Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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