i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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