U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
