Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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