She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
