Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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