do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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