I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.