I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.