she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??