i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
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I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.