Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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