you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS