The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
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rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....