So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.