I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub