so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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