there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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