Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
