he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
