Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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