yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
