mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
me + whiskey = a bad person
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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