I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
