Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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