I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
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