Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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