So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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