Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
