I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
