You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
