Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
