I feel like abortions should bother me more
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
