I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
