Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
