I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
