I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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