i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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