Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
