you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
