He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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