She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
