She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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