ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
