Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
