I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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