i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
