Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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