I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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