I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
