opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
