what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
