If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
