Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
