that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
