he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
