I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
