i think my tv is drunk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
