Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
