do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
