he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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