i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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