Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
