Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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