just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All I want is dick and wine.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
