i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
