i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
