I love black thongs
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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