Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
