Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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