You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
