Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
