her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
