Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
