the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
