I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Nicole vs. Life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize