she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
