How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
