I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
