In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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